it’s been a long few months
since I thought of him again
but he returned this morning
and I wanted to stay

he was warm this time
relating
found things in common
wanted to chat
get to know me
asked me to stay

I felt needed
cared for
understood

I kept hanging on
desperate for that attention
affection

and it turned dark
how I wanted to
how it always seems to end up

I was on edge
so close to falling in
laying there for the whole morning
making up excuses
few minutes more
to endulge in those thoughts

I’m trying to stay strong
and fight
but it’s so hard
when you want it so bad
and you have the freedom
to choose and do it
human nature
but you don’t
it’s so hard