what are the chances that
out of anywhere
you would park
next to
me?

life is cruel
teasing me
playing games with me
dangling you in front of me
but I can’t catch you
life is cruel

there he goes…
there he goes again

they said you wake up around this time
you’re crazy
but i’m curious
and i wonder if it’s really true
i think about what you could be doing
right now
in the dark
everyone asleep
the sound of a few cars
still keeping the freeway alive
its quite peaceful
i think i could get used to this
if its really true that you’re awake at this time
its a special moment
specifically dedicated to thinking about you
at such a strange time
and i don’t even know if its true

it’s been a long while since i last saw you
i think i’ve been slowly falling out of love
is what i think and convince to myself
but i hate that i spend so much time
even at 3 am
just to think about you
and you have no idea at all
i hope you never get to know
because this is ridiculous
oh, the things we do for love
do i even love you though?
no, it’s infatuation

God removes people from your life sometimes for your good. don’t run after them

dearest đại ca,
you have brought light to my world
in the moment where I didn’t know what it meant to be nice and caring
to give and trust completely without contemplating
and be okay with losing sometimes because not everything is perfect
willing to take that risk
to bring smiles to others faces
to live life freely and not be caught up in drama
you showed me all that
and more

you’re so consistent with your friendship
you know every moment I’m feeling down
and aren’t afraid to ask me about it
even if I hate it because I’m supposed to be okay all the time
you see right through me
and let me know that you’re here

I want to do the same to you and others

I haven’t really thought about how thankful I am for you
but really, thank you so much.

I love you alot-
in the brotherly way
I dont think I’ve ever experienced such kind of brotherly love before

focusing on their failures
didnt feel sorry until I thought of how others would look at me now
talking bad about them
belittling them
who am I to judge them like that
im no better not worse than them

You have made us all lovingly in your eyes
why do I have to do this
it’s because I’m jealous
afraid that I’m not enough anymore
needing to compete with those I consider below me because I feel beat down and can’t catch up to those above
I keep forgetting about goodness
love and being caring

I keep thinking about karma
it’s not real, is it?
it’s not.
but I can’t stop thinking about it
all the bad things I’ve done
coming back to haunt me
the things I think about
not wanting to happen to me
will happen just because I thought of it

im such a bitch.
im not nice, and I don’t want to be known as perfect
because im shite, full of mistakes, a bad influence
I tell myself to be better but I keep forgetting

He forgives
and He says I don’t need to pay for my sins because it already has been done
this is a lesson
learn and keep growing

help me to remember to be a better person
it’s hard but it’s a process

nothing much, just wanted to say hi.
at first I was contemplating on whether I should do this because it’s not deep enough.
but since when did I decide that this place would be for only deep thoughts?
it’s for any thoughts that come to mind, so don’t try to plan things out and try to make it look aesthetic or cool.

just say what’s on your mind…

was gonna write “every daily soup has different ingredients” but I don’t know how that relates to this… it probably could if you think about it, but I don’t want to think right now.

wanted to update that I’m doing a little better.
still ugly, just feel slightly better about myself.
ever so slightly. but at least that’s progress.
ok bye.

it’s not the worst I’ve been
but things can certainly get better

I don’t feel great
my face’s not right
my hair’s a mess
I didn’t know self image would get me
but here I am
getting defeated by my self image
every day

I want to stop looking at the mirror
maybe tape all of it away
but I can’t stop looking at myself
nitpicking at everything

looking at how many pimples I have
or how bad my eyebrows have become
my hands all over my face
hoping I’d make it get better
but making everything worse

I tell myself this is the last time I’ll do it
everything will heal or grow out
and I’ll be beautiful again
like the pictures I took before

perhaps that’ll make me happy again
I’ll bloom in confidence
and everything will be fine

but when will that day come?
certainly not tomorrow

healing takes time
and patience
and perseverance

that I don’t have

I think I’ve become obsessed
over myself

and they said you should only compete or compare
yourself with yourself

but in this game, the worst enemy is me
always putting myself down
looking at how much better life was back then
how much clearer my skin was
how much fuller my eyebrows were

I don’t think I’ve ever been so affected
by how I look
I always thought that I’d be so much stronger
comfortable in my own skin

but I feel ugly disgusting
I’m not doing well.

well here’s a happy ending
because that’s how things are supposed to end
I will be well.

welcome.. to another form of escape

the last one didn’t work so well after all. I tried to promise myself that I’d be fine if they found me (or I found them) and keep it going, but alas, I felt trapped, yet again.

I need the freedom, the anonymity. at least away from them.

it’s not that they’re bad, not that I hate them.. they’re precious to me, but only at a distance. when they get too close, I feel suffocated. found out.

I hate myself for that. why do I think this way, why do I push them away?

anyways, welcome again. I hope you enjoy your stay here. make this a safe place, but don’t dig too deep into the rabbit hole..